I believe that old fashioned neighbourhood courtesy is becoming a thing of the past. Knowing one's community is very important in any society. During my childhood I lived with my parents in a pretty decent Colombo neighbourhood.
It was a totally different world, with different values and pace of life. The downside was that everybody knew all your business! The parapet walls separating our four different immediate neighbours were only four feet high. You could lean over the wall, see and speak easily to your neighbours. Today all those walls are about six feet high or more, deliberately screening you off from your neighbours.
The street where we lived had a real community spirit. We knew all our neighbours and had several social get-togethers, parties, dinners and lunches. We went out together, helped one another out and kept an eye out for one another. This was Colombo from the late 50s to the late 70s.
The children of some of our neighbours wandered in and out of our house as if they owned the place. And no one minded. The doors were always unlocked and they knew they were welcome. Mercifully we had good neighbours all round of different communities. There were probably a dozen families down our street who often gravitated into one-another's gardens on fine evenings for drinks and snacks. And they would always be there in an emergency or when you needed them most. I realise now how fortunate we were then to have such kindred spirits in close proximity. We all knew each other by name and nicknames as well. There was a real solidarity in case of need and nobody cared what your station in life was as long as you respected the others. Our neighbours were our surrogate family. On numerous occasions we all extended help and support, even when unasked. Everyone knew their children were safe when playing in a neighbour's garden, because people cared and looked out for one another. We would not have wanted to live anywhere else.
For a good relationship with neighbours, mutual goodwill is required, but unfortunately this cannot happen in some cases due to a variety of reasons. But still, one who shows better hospitality and compassion than his neighbour does, regardless of his neighbour's courtesy or indifference, already gains, by becoming a happier person!
Sometimes it is not easy to overlook certain individual frailties. At other times we fail to appreciate how our actions might affect the lives of those around us. Failing to consider how our neighbours might feel about our outdoor late night party with loud music, smoky bonfires or dogs' barking can often be the start of deterioration in relationships that can have unpleasant consequences for both. Needlessly falling out with our neighbours deprives us of many advantages and exposes us to worry and unnecessary stress. All it takes is to show some common sense and courtesy by respecting your neighbour's circumstances and behave towards them as you would expect them to behave towards you. For all too many people these days a neighbour is merely someone who has just run out of something, be it sugar or patience. Gone are the days when neighbours leaned up against each other's walls or fences and chatted about the cricket while the wives exchanged sumptuous goodies.
But often you might have to put up with minor irritations such as when certain people covet thy neighbour's lawn mower, floor polisher, step ladder or electric drill. Only the other day my neighbour returned my borrowed drill with several original drill bits broken. These days, some neighbours think that buying an appliance you use only a few times a year feels like a sin. Whatever you may say about the guy he is a practical thick-skinned individual with a hide akin to a rhino's. And make no mistake about it he is also resourceful. Look at it this way. Household drills are used for only a few minutes a year at most. Worse, you never actually need a drill. What you actually need is a hole. The drill is just the tool that provides it. So why buy it when you could borrow one from your neighbour?
There is no sure- fire way to deal with the huge variety of neighbour problems that people are faced with. But a good way to start is by being friendly with the people next door and then the ones next door to them.
What is neighbour etiquette? It is not our business how others live if they leave us to live our lives in peace. It is our right to enjoy peace and quiet in our homes. That right supersedes the right of our neighbour to create a noise or disturbance that intrudes into our dwelling.
If neighbours do not leave us in peace, their interference and intrusion into our lives and senses can have very detrimental effects on our well being and health.
This exemplifies the need to have a code of good neighbourhood manners and etiquette. Be courteous and helpful without being meddlesome. Later in life when I moved into suburbia I had a nosey parker of a neighbour who made it a point to drop in every time he observed we were entertaining. He became such a pest in our lives intruding into our privacy that we had to politely tell him that we were holding a family get-together.
So then what about all the other neighbours-from-hell stories or that old adage about choosing friends but enduring neighbours? Neighbours are a fact of life, but you can make your own life easier by keeping your neighbours sweet and talking to them 'over the fence' instead of through lawyers.
For many people reality is not being friends with your neighbours, but reality does not have to mean being unfriendly with your neighbours. There are some basic guidelines of etiquette also known as common sense that if followed, should result in a mutually appreciated relationship with your neighbours.
Being on bad terms with your neighbour can make your life frustrating, day after day.
But taking the time to establish good terms with your neighbours has numerous benefits.
The community will be friendlier, the neighbourhood safer, and the area a nicer and more comfortable place to live in.
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