NO means NO

The fight to end gender based violence received overwhelming support from Sri Lankan cricketing legends Mahela Jayawardene and Kumar Sangakkara this week as they chose to tackle the subject with the most susceptible of minds - school boys and girls.

The cricketers speaking to an awe struck audience explained that the best way to end violence against women and girls was to prevent it from happening in the first place - we all needed to get to the root cause of the problem, starting from our schools.

The cricketing legends in an interactive dialogue with 100 school children at the Education Ministry on Tuesday, stressed on the need to empower our girls as a first step towards ending violence.

The sessions which started off on a positive note, reached their climax and most revelatory point when a 17-year-old boy from a reputed school in Colombo informed the duo that a woman’s dress code was a reason that they faced harassment in the hands of men and added that women should wear appropriate clothes to prevent harassment.

This age old argument received surprise and condemnation from Sangakkara and Jayawardena who informed their fans that not only men but even women have the right and freedom to wear what they want.

“Even if a woman walks naked on the road, a man should be able to control himself. We should first stop blaming women for what they wear and how they talk. Questioning the dress code and character of a woman is a lame answer and men do it to get away from the real problems,” said Sangakkara.

Jayawardena said we should stop judging a person from the dress they wear or the way they present themselves.

“You cannot call Lasith Malinga a thug just because of his coloured hair and his earring. He is a well-educated person with good qualities. Every person has the right to decide on what they want to wear,” he said.

Pointing out that there were very few mixed schools in the country, Jayawardena said that boys and girls do not have many opportunities to mingle and associate with each other. As a result, each party becomes easily prejudiced towards the other.

“We don’t even provide them with an opportunity to be friends before anyone thinks of getting into a serious relationship,” said Jayawardena.

This meeting of cricketing celebrities with school children was part of the National Action Plan to address Sexual and Gender-based Violence (SGBV) which was officially launched by the Ministry of Women and Child Affairs and the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) last year.

The National Action Plan was developed on the vision of creating “a violence free life for women and children” with Zero Tolerance for Sexual and Gender-based Violence in Sri Lanka, was significant as it was formulated using a multi-sectoral approach with engagement from key ministries representing nine sectors and the Education Ministry was also a part of it.

The National Action Plan

Minister of Education, Akila Viraj Kariyawasam, Ambassador for the Delegation of the European Union, Tung-Lai Margue, and Gender Specialist Sriyani Perera and Director, Ministry of Education Badra Withanage also joined the discussion to speak about the continuing levels of violence directed against women and girls in everyday life.

Minister Kariyawasam and Ambassador Margue introduced a video, featuring Mahela and Kumar, which will be circulated to schools in the country to increase awareness of the problem. The video was produced by the European Union (EU) Delegation to mark International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women.

Minister Kariyawasam said the government of Sri Lanka was strongly committed to the elimination of violence against women and has taken significant steps to combat its prevalence.

“We require consistent and concerted efforts to challenge and change attitudes and behaviours that normalize and reinforce violence against women,” added the minister.

“We were delighted when Sangakkara and Jayawardana agreed to become our envoys for women’s rights.It’s really important that Sri Lankan men hear from such role models about this serious and deep-rooted issue”, said Ambassador Margue.

Need to promote gender equality among men

Studies have shown that more than half the women in Sri Lanka have experienced some form of violence, but there is a dearth of open public discussion around the problem. A study conducted by the United Nations, which covered 2,500 women between the ages of 15-35 from every district, found that 90 percent of women and girls in Sri Lanka have suffered some form of sexual harassment while on public buses and trains. Of those, only four percent sought help from the police. Given the overwhelming effect gender based violence has on women, efforts were mainly focused on responses and services for victims.

In response to the issues based on gender violence, Ambassador Margue said prevention of violence against women and girls started with better education and making children aware in schools.

“This initiative is part of our long-term commitment to fight gender discrimination and to raise awareness of gender issues both in Sri Lanka and in the wider world. I believe that education is the key element to curb this problem and it has to be dealt in a multifaceted approach. Girls and women should be made aware that they need to break the silence and speak out for themselves,” he said. He added that violence was not linked to economic class or ethnic group and added that Sri Lanka needs to strengthen its response systems and promote positive behavioural change.

Sangakkara said men by supporting the cause would give a sense of the magnitude of the problem that women face at the hands of men who are against them.

He said the traditional method of life that we have been practising all these years have taught us to differentiate between what what boys and girls can do.

“At several instances, girls are restricted from doing what they love with the argument that it is not a suitable thing for a girl to do. And boys are taught that crying is a weakness. People have a right to express their feelings and lead a life they love. Women have equal rights as men to live a life they want,” he said.

Sangakkara further explained that our society has given men more power and they tend to consider it as their privilege and added that the wrong version of masculinity was imprinted in the minds of our boys and men.

Sangakara emphasized that the initiatives for change should involve boys and men equally.

He said men should get over their traditional thoughts about women and added that masculinity was all about confronting the wrong.

“Talking about these issues is very important because all these years it was hidden within our communities. Women are also made to believe that they are considered less important compared to men,” he said.

Jayawardena speaking about social media and the role it played in the lives of young and old today, said that social media was the easy platform for men to objectify women.

“If you see a person involved in any such activity, you should speak against it without extending your support. Media promotes negative thoughts and he advised the students to learn things from talking to others, as all that is shown on social media is not true,” he said.

Girls should be taught to say “NO”

According to Gender Specialist Sriyani Perera, girls and women are conditioned to say “yes’ to everything and taught that girls are not supposed to say “no” to anything.

She stressed that traditional culture that stopped girls and women from making their own decisions had to be changed.

Perera said that the girl children should foremost learn to say “NO” when someone forces something on them against their will.

Speaking about love affairs in schools and extreme problems faced by the students as a result of it, she said girls are taught to adhere to males at home and they easily become victims of rape and harassment at the hands of other men.

“Young people should keep in mind that a love affair is different from a physical relationship. “NO” means “NO” and both men and women should be made aware of it,” she said.

Perera said that relevant authorities should take immediate measures to combat the problem and added that cyber laws need to be further strengthened to ensure that wrongdoers are punished.

Speaking on domestic violence, Perera noted that children are adversely affected by the activities of their parents.

“People do not want to talk about what happens within their houses. It’s kind of a rule set by themselves. They think that it is their private space and they can do whatever they want. Many parents fail to understand that it directly as well as indirectly affects their children,”she said.

Perera warned that the children might not get involve in the discussions of their parents, but they are silent observers and they internalize the characteristics shown by their parents.

She further said that domestic violence is not restricted to women but at times, men also undergo similar experiences.

Perera advised the children not to remain as silent observers any more and to talk to their parents openly when they have an issue.

She said students can contact the following numbers if they need any support. Sumithrayo 011 2692909, Women in need 011 2671411, Prevention of abuse of children and women 011 282 64 44 and CERT 011 2691692, for problems involving cyber crimes.

School level initiatives being taken to combat the issue - Director Ministry of Education

Director, Ministry of Education Badra Withanage said the Ministry of Education has commenced several programmes to create awareness among students on gender based violence.

“Children from their younger age should be taught to respect each other and to refuse if someone forces them to do something against their will,” she said.

She said that students from the North Central province, Monaragala and Ampara districts face extreme problems.

“There is a huge problem involving physical and mental harassment that we have been deaf and dumb to all these years and added that we need to create more platforms to talk about these issues. Equality and respect for the opposite sex is included in the text books of students but no practical measures have been taken to implement it at school level,” she said.

Withanage emphasized that whilst taking measures to solve the issues, we also should take initiatives to prevent it.

“Educational policy changes might take some time, but we can take immediate measures to change the perspective of the people,” she said.

One of the school principals who was present at the discussion highlighted the need of counsellors in schools.

She said students were not willing to talk either to teachers or their parents if they have any issue, but if there were counsellors at schools, the students can easily reach out to them when they come across a problem that they cannot deal with on their own.

One of the student counsellors attached to the Ministry of Women and Child Affairs said students could contact their hotline if they had any issues and added that even though some principals like their involvement at school level, many principals have expressed their objection to the idea.